emay, have you got a dress?

my colleague asked me on thu 'emay, have you got a dress?' and i paused for a moment and realised that aside from two formal dresses i've worn for weddings and formal functions, and two old spaghetti strap dress both of which are collecting dust in my cupboard, i actually don't wear dresses.

i don't sashay down the streets in nice flowy dresses which seem to be quite the rage these days, esp coupled with black tights... black tights and emay just don't go together due to incredibly huge calves and thighs... but a dress i had to find for something work related. and it had to be a casual dress that one could wear to the beach! aiyoyo!

i actually called my good friend who knows fashion at her fingertips and asked her 'what's a sundress look like?' i had all of one evening to buy one... so i hit far east plaza hoping that somehow one of the many tiny girly shops in there would have a choice find for a tight budget of $20 (the amt i was willing to spend for something i didn't intend to buy)

so i headed for this fashion first. cos it's known for more affordable items. but after searching every single rack that had anything that remotely resembled a sundress i found nothing... so i wove in and out of the many shops and found some pretty ones (which were like $69.90! and the salesgirl was explaining it was fr korea and a good buy... no way!) and some hideous ones (who wears such things????) and finally tucked in a lil cornered i spied some dresses... many of them spotted a really low neck line... but xiang said one of them was pretty and asked me to just try it on. *gulp* first dress in ages!

and i tried it... and it was such a pretty dress... think there's something abt dresses that makes a girl feel awfully feminine. and it was such a soft satin-like material that swished around as i moved... a nice retro design with bold orange and brown floral prints on white... and it was $25! 25% more than what i had hoped for, but i was desperate... tired.. and hungry... so i agreed... and to my amazement, there was a storewide discount of 20%! so God provided me with a pretty dress for the exact price i was willing to fork out! amazing!!!! praise God!

heehee... now i might just explore more dresses... =)

Music & Lyrics & a Confession (be ready for what you're about to read)

Loved it... Hugh Grant's comic timing is simply perfect. And the songs were nice too! Yummy show...

took the afternoon off yesterday cos I realised I haven't had a single moment of a good break since sept last year i believe. so yes and afternoon & evening of fun and food with xiang was delightful!

had my work review on tue as my six months in my new position ended last month. i didn't even have time to sit down and write my report (basically telling them why i'm needed here! lol) till the day itself. in fact it was by His grace that i put together a page and a half of ramblings in the time my other colleague had her work review with my boss. lol... the review went well and i'm glad and very thankful... =)

meeting up with a dear friend later on.. haven't caught up with her with what seems like an eternity now... got a meeting to run to in the afternoon tho.. hope that goes well. cos as far as i'm concerned, still kinda clueless as to my role in this whole project.

u know, lately when people tell me 'hey emay you've lost so much weight' i tend to think 'yeah right!' and my answer is always 'well, don't know if i have but what's impt is that you think that i LOOK like i've lost weight'... and i always daren't step onto the scales for fear of what the figure would turn out to be.

so u see, when my parents asked me to go weigh myself yesterday i refused. i absolutely detest standing on those scales as i usually have a huge dip in my esteem da blahblah whenever i do. then this morning my mum asked me to again! now i'm really curious as to why she's so insistent on my doing so. and then it comes out 'you better check your weight and don't lose anymore otherwise you might be anorexic'.

now why did that thought pop into her mind? well, for those of you who don't know, i went through the whole anorexia and bullemia thing... not to the extreme of needing to go to the hospital, but extreme enough to know that i could throw up as and when i wanted to and with ease and without a mess. extreme enough that whenever i felt ill i knew i wouldn't throw up simply because it was done so often that it was effortless.

so why am i sharing this? well, you see, i realised over the years that my self-worth is not measured by how much i weigh, but rather that i'm created in His image and as long as I'm healthy, happy and not overweight, i'm content.

that was several years ago, so this morning when my mother said that with fear in her eyes, i realised what i must have put her through then. i doubt she ever knew the extent of the torture i was putting myself through, and i don't think i'll ever tell her and i don't think she'll ever read this so hence i've placed my thoughts here.

it came as a complete shock to me that she suspected i wasn't eating again... so i assured her that i have. and i have been... i merely have cut down on my fast food and as much as possible i try to eat soup noodles and avoid snacking. so to assure her, i told myself i would step on the scales to show her my weight remains the same and she has nothing to fear.

so stepped on the scales i did. and to my surprise, i really did lose weight... on my home scales, i was about 4-5kg lighter than what i was end of last year. so i think a change in diet really helped. i'm amazed... and very glad... and even more glad that i no longer think of resorting to awful extreme measures in losing weight.

lalala... now all of you know... and i hope you will never have to go through the torture i put myself through for something so superficial.

thus if you ever doubted me lately when i said i didn't know if i lost weight and attributed it to healthier choices of food, it's 100% true. ask xiang. he shudders at how often i can eat soup mee tai mak without oil!

bottom line is... the next time u think of making a 'someone is fat or someone has put on so much weight' joke. think twice... cos there just might be another teenager out there who makes a bad decision because of that joke.