Music & Lyrics & a Confession (be ready for what you're about to read)

Loved it... Hugh Grant's comic timing is simply perfect. And the songs were nice too! Yummy show...

took the afternoon off yesterday cos I realised I haven't had a single moment of a good break since sept last year i believe. so yes and afternoon & evening of fun and food with xiang was delightful!

had my work review on tue as my six months in my new position ended last month. i didn't even have time to sit down and write my report (basically telling them why i'm needed here! lol) till the day itself. in fact it was by His grace that i put together a page and a half of ramblings in the time my other colleague had her work review with my boss. lol... the review went well and i'm glad and very thankful... =)

meeting up with a dear friend later on.. haven't caught up with her with what seems like an eternity now... got a meeting to run to in the afternoon tho.. hope that goes well. cos as far as i'm concerned, still kinda clueless as to my role in this whole project.

u know, lately when people tell me 'hey emay you've lost so much weight' i tend to think 'yeah right!' and my answer is always 'well, don't know if i have but what's impt is that you think that i LOOK like i've lost weight'... and i always daren't step onto the scales for fear of what the figure would turn out to be.

so u see, when my parents asked me to go weigh myself yesterday i refused. i absolutely detest standing on those scales as i usually have a huge dip in my esteem da blahblah whenever i do. then this morning my mum asked me to again! now i'm really curious as to why she's so insistent on my doing so. and then it comes out 'you better check your weight and don't lose anymore otherwise you might be anorexic'.

now why did that thought pop into her mind? well, for those of you who don't know, i went through the whole anorexia and bullemia thing... not to the extreme of needing to go to the hospital, but extreme enough to know that i could throw up as and when i wanted to and with ease and without a mess. extreme enough that whenever i felt ill i knew i wouldn't throw up simply because it was done so often that it was effortless.

so why am i sharing this? well, you see, i realised over the years that my self-worth is not measured by how much i weigh, but rather that i'm created in His image and as long as I'm healthy, happy and not overweight, i'm content.

that was several years ago, so this morning when my mother said that with fear in her eyes, i realised what i must have put her through then. i doubt she ever knew the extent of the torture i was putting myself through, and i don't think i'll ever tell her and i don't think she'll ever read this so hence i've placed my thoughts here.

it came as a complete shock to me that she suspected i wasn't eating again... so i assured her that i have. and i have been... i merely have cut down on my fast food and as much as possible i try to eat soup noodles and avoid snacking. so to assure her, i told myself i would step on the scales to show her my weight remains the same and she has nothing to fear.

so stepped on the scales i did. and to my surprise, i really did lose weight... on my home scales, i was about 4-5kg lighter than what i was end of last year. so i think a change in diet really helped. i'm amazed... and very glad... and even more glad that i no longer think of resorting to awful extreme measures in losing weight.

lalala... now all of you know... and i hope you will never have to go through the torture i put myself through for something so superficial.

thus if you ever doubted me lately when i said i didn't know if i lost weight and attributed it to healthier choices of food, it's 100% true. ask xiang. he shudders at how often i can eat soup mee tai mak without oil!

bottom line is... the next time u think of making a 'someone is fat or someone has put on so much weight' joke. think twice... cos there just might be another teenager out there who makes a bad decision because of that joke.