After a long hiatus, ramblings...
Well, well, well blogs seem a tad bit out of fashion now but just in case pple still pop by occasionally thought i'd update it for fun.
Let's start by recapping..
2010 saw the end of my employment after 4+ of service. My illness (wilson's disease) has affected me in some way i guess but i take it as part and parcel of life.
Well, i did have suicidal thoughts at one pt when i was depressed in 09 tried to jump but something held me back. Probably God and His angels. It's a very scary process to want to die. i dun know how to explain it but when one's depressed things just seem to go wrong. u feel useless and unworthy in every way.
Was admitted into IMH for being hyper (manic) they call it. Often after a long phase of depression it happens. it's funny when one's hyper they feel invincible nothing scares them and they r often oblivious to other pple's feelings. at least i was. stepped on quite a few toes at that phase. to all whom i may hv offended unknowingly, i truly apologise.
i dont know the cause of it, it could have been a spiritual attack, or it could hv been a manifestation of my wilson's disease. who knows? i dun... i guess the impt thing is that God has blessed me with a very supportive husband. Not forgetting good family support. loving parents and sister as well as my in-laws. i'm truly blessed...
pple often viewed me as a very strong girl but really i'm very weak. i guess that's why God can give me strength. i used to be quite 'capable' and to suddenly be 'useless' it was difficult. many pple often ask 'why God?' i prefer to ask 'what r u teaching me Lord?'
i realise that in life u meet all sorts of pple and God in His magnity has made really a vast number of types of pple. some u can just click with there n then, others u just cant stand. i've learnt that u can never change another person so how do i cope? i instead try to change my perspective. if i look at things fr a broader perspective they r all just fellow human beings co-existing in this temporary world.
and then God's commandment of asking us to love our enemies becomes so clear. in life we hv few friends whom we can really count on. i hv less than 5 super close friends whom i have somewhat neglected after falling ill. (sorry girls u know who u r) but pple i dislike or disapprove of their behaviours i hv plenty. now they may be friends or aquaintances but it's always easier to dislike or disapprove than to like i feel.
and i guess one has to then exercise a lot of wisdom in knowing how to behave around these not too likeable pple. or i can choose the easier option of cutting them oout fr my life. hmmm... human relations r so difficult. pple tend to hv double standards and i guess that's why the Bible's wise in saying, to look at the plank in ur own eye b4 looking at the speck in another's. i'm often guilty of the latter and it's a constant struggle to live my life in a holy and blameless way.
thank God for His love and His protection. sometimes i think it's great to be a bit dumb (like me) and be oblivious to the things around. when u dun notice things then u wun get hurt so much. think that's how i got thru my primarysch life. without any friends. other girls had clicks i was always the lone ranger (the strict one who abided by all the sch rules) made quite a few enemies i believe by being a prefect all the years possible cos to me a rule is to be abided by not broken.
i've certainly mellowed over the years but in many cases one's first impression is hard to shake. hence my friendless life continued until sec 3 when i finally got close to my friend magdalene. she used to find me v annoying in pri sch but now we're still firm friends. a little tougher to keep in touch now that we've grown up but still gd friends. thanks for ur friendship maggie!
also only had one good friend from jc casey whom we try to catch up once a year or twice when we're lucky. but it's the kinda friendship whereby u can meet after a loooong time and still hv tonnes to say and fully enjoy each other's company.
in uni i thank God for winnie who i happened to sit next to one public relations lesson and voila we hit it off. she's really pretty and very tall and had a very 'dau' air abt her at first but being a trained 'E type personality we got talking. she's another really good friend who i know cares abt me and i abt her.
at work there was angela... an unlikely pairing considering she was so much older than me and has a very intimidating stance. she's a real softie and it's so nice being able to count on her for her support and her love. thanks dear!
there r a few more close friends but these are the four that i truly treasure and know i can always count on.... God really provides my NEEDs huh? one good friend for every maj phase. =)
last but not least there's my closest friend my husband. who's always so wonderfully supportive and patient with me. who is such a funny guy and makes me laugh. who loves me unconditionally and was my pillar of strength when i was ill. who supports me financially as i'm not ready to face the working world as yet. thanku my dearest xiang for being there for me all this time.
i truly thank God for everything that has happened to me. as it implies Genesis (Joseph's story) what the world meant for evil God meant for good.
Praise God for His glorious ways which are way above my ways. I do not know what the future holds but i know that i'm safe in His hands. and i thank God for loved ones who will walk it with me. =) Glory be to God always.
posted by Emay at
2:06 PM
|
0 Comments
