Farewell

August 9th, when a large number of people were celebrating our nation’s 41st year of independence, I sat with two close friends at a restaurant having dinner. There was no mood for festivities as we’d just gone to our teacher’s funeral wake.

Tuesday morning a sms from one of my friends threw my whole day off balance. It simply told me that my chemistry teacher from secondary school has passed away. I rushed out of my room to check the obituary and I saw her face. I stood there stunned for it seemed so unreal how someone who was so real to me, was suddenly no longer here on this earth.

For those who know me, Tuesday was a special day as it was my 3rd year since I got together with xiang. We had planned an elaborate day of activities. It was however marred by this news. As hard as I tried, as we walked from enclosure to enclosure at the zoo, I found my mind wandering.. remembering…

My friends and I arranged to pay our last respects on 9th August. So all of us, somberly clothed in dark tops, walked slowly to the church where she lay. As we stood there, looking at her for one last time, her appearance was a shock to us all, for she had become so puffy from steroids that she did not bear any resemblance to when we last saw her in school. Her once small petite frame was now bloated. Her once immaculate hairstyle was gone, in its place a pretty scarf wrapped round her head to hide the side effects of chemotherapy.

One of my friends began to weep. I felt tears welling up but decided to hold them in, for as we know, the wake is for the living, and there were all her sisters, already saddened by her parting, they didn’t need an ex-student bawling to worsen their pain, their loss. As i stood there, looking at her, I remembered how she used to be so full of life and yet, now she's no more but a shell.

Flashes of her kept coming to my mind, and as we sat round with one of her sisters who looked so uncannily like her, I forced myself to remember the good times and the moments that we had the privilege of being her students. Recounting the memories brought laughter and smiles, but deep down we all knew it was simply to mask the pain that all of us felt in varying degrees at losing her. Hearing the accounts from her sister tore at my heart to know even in her pain and suffering she kept thinking of others first. She chose to remain on steroids as it helped stop her fits. She did this so that her family wouldn't panic each time she had a fit. She took the effort and care to look presentable when her sister flew back from australia to visit so that they will not have to see her in a sickly state. The outfit she nominated to be dressed in was red and pink, but alas they could not use it as the steroids had caused her to become too bloated. I guess that's the way she wanted people to remember her, that she was full of life, full of colour and that was just so her to still be thinking of others even when she was so ill.

She was a terribly strict, meticulous and fierce teacher who scared us senseless initially. Everyone entered her lessons with a sense of fear as one never knew what to expect. I remember the very first lesson she had with my class, she made a classmate cry. Her anger was one that no one wanted to unleash. And yet beneath all that, we knew that she was a dedicated teacher who put in so much effort and time into helping us grasp Chemistry. By our second year with her, no matter how rebellious, sloppy or lazy one was, chemistry lessons were in a different league altogether. One was always prepared for her lessons, lab sessions etc. In fact she was so strict during lab that the real o level chemistry lab exam was such a breeze without any stress. I remember her tottering around during our chemistry lab exam to assure us that she was there, to assure us that we had nothing to worry about and to just do our titration just as she had taught us so methodically. Gone was the formidable stance she took as a teacher, in its place was a look of encouragement from mentor to student.

The memories that she’s left me with are far more than any other teacher I’ve ever had during the course of my school years. The lessons she imparted were more than simply chemistry terms, definitions and processes. She taught me that in life we are to be humble, to be good, to think for others, to be selfless, to know that liking someone of the same gender is wrong, to be lady-like and even in her death, she has taught me to treasure and appreciate people around me.

As I reflect, I thank God that I was able to make her a teacher’s day card that expressed my gratitude for all that she had done for me. I remember her smile and her simple ‘thank you’ when I passed it to her.

Today is the day of her funeral. Farewell Miss Goh. Thank you for everything that you’ve ever done for me, all that you sacrificed as a teacher for your students and all that you've taught me. May the life that i lead, the lady i've become, make you proud and not let all that you’ve imparted be in vain.